i hate how sometimes everything goes in a cycle.

you know. like you've experienced smth bad, and it has to happen over and over again. like kinda what im really going through now.

i dont know if the friends ard me are for real or they're just putting up a different front. okay i may have quite a circle of friends but. i cannot fully put my trust into them. the ones i fully trust are really diana and grace. yeah.

cause the group now, i don know.. i find their really just friends for you to have fun with and thats it. they change too fast. too fast for me to catch up. too fast for me to even know what they are thinking. one moment you see them so nice. and yay true friends. but the next. they turn their backs on you and then the whole ignoring process starts.

ive seen a lot of all these stuffs and i admit, there are some really parts when someone has done wrong in, but have you really thought maybe such things are in you? like why cant we forgive and forget, why cant we just accept the fact that we all have short-comings? im not saying like im totally perfect or that i like everyone (cause i do not like certain ppl in class and you know that) but hey, i know what its like to be left alone and bitched about. i seriously do. and now, im really quite immune to it already.

i dare to admit. i am sometimes quite scatter-mouthed. but i know what i should say and what i shouldnt. some things youve put ur total trust in me, tho i am not a very good listener but at least i keep it inside of me. maybe of cos, secrets cant last. do u dare say youve not leaked out a single secret in ur whole life. do you. obviously no one does.

and its kinda hypocritical how some of you actually are. and i hate how you all give some kind of sacarstic tone on certain things. not like you cant but, theres really a limit to everything. okay i regret some of the things ive done. i really do. and that, i need your total trust. its times like this that i need you all.

maybe you have not known but ive actually put you all as one of my first priorities in life. friends. friends i could count on. friends i know that will forgive my shortcomings. friends whom ive known to always be there. friends who will do anything for me. but im not that sure abt all of you, its like theres no me. theres only you you you and you. im not really naming names here. i see no need to anyway. please understand.

im trying very hard to tell you all how i feel, but no, you dont care. thats what i see.. cause you all have not experienced such things yet. so you dont understand. i dunno.. if theres really a problem with me. please tell me on msn or smth please. i dislike how you all give names and then the whole process comes out. i can say i have talked behind backs. i can say. but now i know its wrong. i want you all to change. this is not directed at anybody but. all of you. im sorry for being quite rude but its smth i have to get it off me. been inside of me too long. and i can talk to no one abt this... yeah so.. please learn to love.